It's Only a Matter of Time

Time is a funny thing. It never seems to pass at the rate you want it to. If you want it to go slowly, it seems to speed by, and if you want time to hurry up, it plods along. I've been particularly noticing how fast it rushes by lately. A few weeks ago, the chaplain asked me if there's anything I hoped to do with my last six weeks. I kind of panicked at him and asked if it was really only six weeks I had left, to which he, very helpfully, answered that it was really five because we had a week off for half term. There have been times where I wanted time to go faster because I missed people and experiences back home, and there have been times where I want time to slow down because I don't want to have to leave. At this point, I wish time would just feel like its going at its given pace. In some ways, I'm ready to go home, but I also don't want to leave the people I've gotten to know here. The thing I've been struggling with most is that when I go home, my life will have been changed forever, but life here goes on the same as it always does. Yes, I will have left an impact on people here, but anyone else who would have come here (and in fact has been here or will be here in the future) would have left their own impact as well. Over half term, I spent a few days with a couple other YAGMs, and one made a point that really hit home for how I'm feeling about leaving. In most jobs, when you leave, someone else gets hired and it's more of a feeling that you just move on when the next thing comes along. With this, though, it's a strange sense that we're back to "normal life" and someone else comes in and gets to have their own life changing experiences. For myself, I've had a sense that since I have to leave, I don't want to leave "my girls" with just anyone. I know that I have to move on with my life for both my sake and theirs, but still can't help but wish for just a little more time.