Home, the Long Way Round

In the past few weeks, a lot of people in the YAGM community have shared articles and their own musings on the transition back to American life and the effects of reverse culture shock.  One country coordinator and YAGM alum wrote a blog and told of someone being so overwhelmed with the number of toothpaste options upon returning home, that they got sick in the drugstore. I can't imagine anything like that happening to me. I'm looking forward to having Crest and Scope available as oral hygiene options, but I doubt I'll get sick over such an inconsequential addition. I've been living in not only a very western/first world country, but also in a very affluent area of England. It's quite obvious that I'm living in another country, but as far as the lifestyle I'm afforded, I might as well still be living in America, so I constantly question what my own reverse culture shock is going to be like. Still, I know I am a different person than I was when I left Chicago in August, but so is everyone I know from home. This year hasn't been a vacuum for me to have experiences and everyone I know to be left like a book on a shelf to pick up exactly where I left them. So when lots of the people I talk to say they imagine I'm looking forward to going home, I always respond, "yes and no." I'm looking forward to seeing family and friends, to driving my car, to American pancakes and other foods/restaurants, to having air conditioning, and to temperatures being given in Fahrenheit. But at the same time, I'm not looking forward to leaving behind people that have become as close as family, the view out my windows and around Winchester, British foods, having a week or more off every six weeks when I can easily travel to countries I've dreamed of seeing for years, and public transport that goes almost everywhere (despite how many complaints the Brits have about their rail system). I feel like going home will be absolutely the same as my life was before I left, but I also feel like life will be utterly different. In short, I have no idea what it will be like for me to move back to America and how I will handle it. So I ask that you be patient, be gentle, be kind, and most of all, be loving. I'm sure I'll need as much support coming home as I did in leaving.

It's Only a Matter of Time

Time is a funny thing. It never seems to pass at the rate you want it to. If you want it to go slowly, it seems to speed by, and if you want time to hurry up, it plods along. I've been particularly noticing how fast it rushes by lately. A few weeks ago, the chaplain asked me if there's anything I hoped to do with my last six weeks. I kind of panicked at him and asked if it was really only six weeks I had left, to which he, very helpfully, answered that it was really five because we had a week off for half term. There have been times where I wanted time to go faster because I missed people and experiences back home, and there have been times where I want time to slow down because I don't want to have to leave. At this point, I wish time would just feel like its going at its given pace. In some ways, I'm ready to go home, but I also don't want to leave the people I've gotten to know here. The thing I've been struggling with most is that when I go home, my life will have been changed forever, but life here goes on the same as it always does. Yes, I will have left an impact on people here, but anyone else who would have come here (and in fact has been here or will be here in the future) would have left their own impact as well. Over half term, I spent a few days with a couple other YAGMs, and one made a point that really hit home for how I'm feeling about leaving. In most jobs, when you leave, someone else gets hired and it's more of a feeling that you just move on when the next thing comes along. With this, though, it's a strange sense that we're back to "normal life" and someone else comes in and gets to have their own life changing experiences. For myself, I've had a sense that since I have to leave, I don't want to leave "my girls" with just anyone. I know that I have to move on with my life for both my sake and theirs, but still can't help but wish for just a little more time.