Sunday, March 19, 2017

Who am I?

One of the things I've found challenging at several times during my year has been figuring out how I fit into this year of service. I'm part of YAGM with the ELCA, but I'm also part of Time for God. In addition to the 84 YAGM brothers and sisters I have serving around the world, I also have another 80 or so TfG brothers and sisters from around the world serving here in the UK, plus my gap fam with the 5 other gaps working at my school. I constantly question if I'm standing just in one community or another community, two communities, three communities, or no community. In other YAGM communities, the ELCA has partnered with the Lutheran church in whatever the host country is. I think the YAGMs in most countries work in Lutheran churches, Lutheran organizations, or at least have a Lutheran community to support them. I haven't met a single British Lutheran, let alone many people who even know much about the fact that Lutheran is a Christian denomination. In some ways, I feel most comfortable with my other UK YAGMs because with them, I don't have to question how, or even if, I fit into this puzzle. I'm just another piece. For most of my time here, I've felt more connected to TfG because that's who I see and work with now that I'm here. I had a YAGM retreat this past week, though, and one guy said he only felt like a YAGM because there's another TfG volunteer at his placement and he's had to explain to his community why she doesn't go to all the retreats he does and have as many privileges as he has. That was the first I realized that probably all of us are struggling with how we fit into the partnership of YAGM and TfG. When I found out that the director of YAGM was coming to our retreat, I questioned as to why she was bothering to come see us. It felt to me like the point of sending YAGMs to the UK was that TfG was already established here, so they could handle us without needing oversight from YAGM or the ELCA. In the end, though, it turned out to be really beneficial for me to have her, and a UK YAGM alum from a couple years ago, at that retreat. We all ended up having a really long discussion about how we maybe worried a little more than we needed to about how this relationship would work out before we got here, but we still feel a sense of disconnect from the other volunteers we serve with both here, and around the world. She was really great to listen to all our concerns and recognize they're things that need to be addressed in the future, but also helped us see the benefits of the experience of having both organizations support us. The alum that was with us said that he remembers feeling the exact same way we have been feeling while he was here. I think the most powerful thing, though, was when the TfG rep we've had at all of our retreats spoke up. Since he's been with TfG for a while, he can see how the relationship between YAGM and TfG works out. Some people brought up that they felt like YAGM didn't think they were tough enough to go to a country where they would have to learn a new language, and wouldn't have the same standard of lifestyle as we are afforded by going from the US to the UK, but he said he thinks we have to be some of the toughest people in the YAGM program. There are a lot of YAGMs that go to a country with a language they've never heard, so it takes them a long time to form deep relationships with their communities. We're able to start forming relationships from day one. In his head, there's no language or cultural barrier we can hide behind, so we can and have to get into the real dark and dirty side of the communities we serve in. More than anything else, I think that helped remind me that YAGM and TfG can exist together. I saw that it's not so much about the label of who we are that affects what we're doing, it's the impact we make and the relationships we build that are what's important about this year.

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